So. The catastrophe of the full blown train wreck of severe plantar fasciitis and tendinitis in my feet eventually settled down with the help of pain meds, Orthaheel sandals and several months of slowing my ass down. Eventually I got back into life and even though I didn’t like it much, I had to really, really be careful not to get the feet in another flare up from the 7th layer of hell.
Larry & I maintained the booth at the antique mall, and I started using my own scooter, and a wheelchair if we didn’t feel like loading the scooter into the van (by lifting it, we didn’t have an automatic lift on the back of the van). People started getting used to seeing me use one or the other and it soon became no big deal. It never bothered me to use it but it bothered me that other people would look at me differently when I used it. Either they would look at me and smile pitifully…..or else they would turn their heads and try not to stare. I know everyone wondered what was “wrong” with me. I shared a summarized version of what was “wrong” to the staff at the antique mall, and they took it in stride. No one made me feel weird for needing assistance and after awhile it was just the way it was.
After that, I had an episode with my lumbar spine, something went “out” after I lifted my laptop while lying down in bed, and for 3 weeks I had the most incredible pain in my spine. MRI showed a hemangioma tumor (vascular, not malignant). It took awhile for that to settle down.
I’m trying to remember everything in sequence, I hope I am getting it all right….like I said in an earlier post, after awhile it all morphs into this big blurry ball, and I just get through it and move on to the next “episode”. I am sure there are things that I am forgetting.
One thing is my vision, which has progressively been getting worse with age. I now not only have very bad nearsightedness, but have developed huge vitreous floaters that really compromise my vision. When the eye doc first told me what was going on with my eyes, they mentioned “a surgery” for floaters, but they NEVER recommended it because of the extremely high risk of problems. Later, as my floaters increased in size and in quantity, one of the doctors at the facility told me about “a surgery” for floaters that I might want to consider. I said, Well yeah, two of the other doctors mentioned that surgery to me but told me it was never used due to high risk of problems…..he said, Well, in your case it might be worth the risk. I rolled my blurry eyes and said, no thanks. I’ll try to get by with what I have, I don’t want to risk going completely blind. So there’s that.
So anyway…..even though I know there are more significant things that I should mention in this very long, drawn out “introduction” to the life of Julie, The Nocturnal Laundress, I will end with this……
I still sell antiques. I still push myself too hard. I still have extreme chronic foot pain, and fibromyalgia….and I have developed osteoarthritis now. I have really not learned anything from all my experiences except that if I plan on having any kind of a life, I better grab for it right now…..because tomorrow, who knows what will happen. Who knows what is around the corner. So I just gulp down pain pills, blood pressure pills (4 different kinds), anxiety medication, Valerian for sleep, this, that and the other. Everything is still a blur because so much has happened that I just can’t hardly keep it all straight. I don’t much care what other people think of me, because it takes too much needless energy to care. I use the small amount of energy I have to run my very successful antique business (I now sell on Ruby Lane instead of eBay and I love it), try to keep a clean house, do laundry when I can, cook dinner when I can, take care of two very spoiled tabby cats, and love my wonderful husband every day.
I love to read, it’s a wonderful escape that I thoroughly enjoy, but it’s getting harder to do now that my vision is so messed up. I play online poker with play money, sometimes I kick butt and sometimes I lose my shirt. Hubby thinks we should go play on the “boat” (floating casino on IL river), but I would never risk losing real money, we don’t have enough to throw away.
Things have been hard for 30 years, they continue to be hard because of my stubbornness, my refusal to bow down to the great Pain Monster (even after everything I’ve gone through, I still can’t stop pushing). I have a burning desire in me to squeeze every bit of life I can out of every day, and that does not include laying in bed every day, trying to rest and wait for things to get “better”. Nothing is going to ever “get better” in my body. My feet are trashed beyond redemption, my fibromyalgia gets worse every year, now the osteoarthritis is turning my hands into knobby-knuckled, stiff phalanges that lock up and ache like crazy. My eyesight sucks and my blood pressure still spikes despite being on 4 BP meds. I don’t have the luxury of time to “rest” and wait for things to “calm down” or get better. I have to hurry. Because someday, my personal “tsunami” will hit….and then that will be it.