The Broken Appointment

We have a scheduled renovation of our kitchen floor coming up in one week. This is something I have waited for for many years. Our existing, very old kitchen floor looks like crap, and finally…finally we got enough money together to have a new sub-floor done with brand new, gorgeous vinyl sheeting put down. I have been so excited since we decided to just do it.

But there has also been a structural issue that I have had concerns over, so I scheduled a contractor to stop in this afternoon to take a quick look before we had our new floor put down. I spoke to him on the phone yesterday and he said he’d be able to stop in today at 1pm. He never showed up. I called him 2 hours after his arrival time came and went. He claimed that he got “hung up” on another job and would not be able to make it today. He apologized and asked if he could just come tomorrow. I just sat in silence for a few moments. This man had no idea what it had taken for me to prepare for his visit to my home. And now he wasn’t coming.

I have several chronic illnesses that produce pain in my body and right now I am in a flare up of the highest magnitude. I have been “down” off my feet pretty much for all of 2 weeks. My pain has been off the charts. To walk across the room takes a monumental effort. To shower, it takes me about an hour or more to manage. I must sit angled, on a bar stool in front of the sink in the bathroom to brush my teeth, wash my face and do my hair, in order not to put undue weight on my poor, swollen, inflamed feet, which is my worst current “pain-du-jour”.

I showered late last night in preparation, so I wouldn’t have to take the time to do it this morning. Then I slowly shuffled around, trying to pick up clutter and cleaned the house as best I could. Today I spent time getting myself dressed, to look presentable and by the time 1pm came around I was ready.

I waited for 2 hours. No phone call to tell me they would not be able to make it. I had to call them to inquire if they were still coming. When I learned that they were not coming, I just sat in disbelief. All my extra effort was all for nothing. I felt like screaming. This guy had no clue what it took for me to get ready for his visit. And now I have to do it all over again, for when he (hopefully) shows up tomorrow.

It’s times like this when chronic pain is the most maddening. When you are already suffering, and only want to lay down and die….then something comes up where you have no choice but to buck up and do something you feel like you cannot possibly manage, but you do it anyway, because you have to…..and then it falls through. You have gritted your teeth, done the impossible, caused yourself much more pain than you already had….all for nothing.

????????????????????????????????????????Of course, I didn’t bother to tell this man what I had gone through just to be ready for his arrival. I didn’t explain to him how my feet feel like raw flesh burning from walking on hot coals. Or how my back feels like it has a knife in my spine. Or how my muscles feel black and blue. I just took a few deep breaths and told him tomorrow would be fine.

There was no point trying to explain to this man what my life is like. Not worth the effort. Healthy people don’t get it, and they never will. You only truly understand what it’s like being in this “club” if you are a particpating member. So I just let it go. And I will try to not blame this guy for my misery. I will open the door tomorrow, and I will smile, and invite him in.


About teeks55

I'm a sleep deprived antique dealer with fibromyalgia, RA, diabetes & more. Love hubby, cats, books & humor! Avid tea drinker. Poker player. Pain fighter.
This entry was posted in Anger, Best Self, Bitterness, Challenges, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, courage, Depression, Disbelief, Emotions, Endurance, Fibromyalgia, Flare Up, Forgiveness, Health, Inner Strength, Irritability, Life Journey, Life Path, Osteoarthritis, Pain Scale, Plantar Fasciitis, Sadness, Tendinitis and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to The Broken Appointment

  1. tlohuis says:

    Well, I will say one thing. You are much nicer than I am. He could have, at least, given you a call. I mean, was he just not going to show up at all? With no phone call? No. No, mam. I am not that nice. That to me indicates what kind of service I will receive. No dice! I hope he doesn’t show up tomorrow and screw you over on price or something. NO. NO>NO

    • teeks55 says:

      I am normally not nice about things like this at all. Normally I would have torn hm a new A-hole. LOL I’m not kidding. But I am just so tired. And my blood pressure has been spiking the past few days, and it’s been scaring me. My dad died of cardiovascular disease at my age (58) and so when my pressure starts hitting high numbers I have to stop and step down. I got really mad several days ago and it took my blood pressure 2 more days to normalize. I am on 4 blood pressure meds and it still is very volatile… as much as I wanted to scream obscenities at this guy…..I just had to swallow a couple times and react in a peaceful manner. It would have just been an exercise in futility to rant at him….I just don’t have the energy and it would have made my pressure go up so I did something really different today, I just let it go. lol I am getting to the point where I have to try not to let things like this make me sicker than I already am. This was hard for me today and I am not happy with this man but I’m choosing to let it go. He came highly recommended so I will give him one more chance. If he screws up again, I will calmly tell him to go jump in the lake and I will find someone else. He just better show up on time. I know that he knows I was upset. I think he will be here. We’ll see…..

      • tlohuis says:

        Ok. I can see you are doing a much better job on the “letting go” exercise than I am. I’m supposed to be practicing “letting it go” but some things, never mind. I just need to practice this letting go shit some more. But, there are just some things that can’t be let go, ya know? If it were me, this guy would have been jumping in the lake, to put it politely, today. If he just would have called you and you didn’t have to call him to ask him where the hell he was. Isn’t this funny? It’s your deal. You forgave the idiot. You let it go, and I’m madder than hell. LOL When I have to go to the ER when I have my heart attack and tell them what happened, I am going to be so embarrassed. LOL

      • teeks55 says:

        ROFLMAO, you are so funny!!! I am laughing my head off at your comment right now. I will have to thank this jerk when he shows up tomorrow, how much I appreciate him making me laugh. He will think I’m nuts. LOL I am still learning how to “let things go”…..I’ve only been trying to figure it out for 58 years. I understand the CONCEPT, it’s just DOING IT that is the struggle!!!! LOL! Love u, xoxoxo Relax and breathe, it’s all gonna be OKAY. 🙂

  2. teeks55 says:

    I unfortunately not only inherited my dad’s cardiovascular issues, but also his hot temper. He was a mechanic by trade, and I remember hearing stories of how every now and then, as he and his employees were working in the service station, that often the guys would have to “duck their heads” as a wrench or other tool would go flying through the air, along with several shouts of curse words…..I also distinctly remember a big gouge in our plaster wall in the kitchen from when he threw a pan of peas because my mom didn’t have his dinner ready on time (he had a golf game date with the guys). I have been trying all my life to learn how to stop “reacting” to things and stop getting so mad so fast like he did… is definitely inherited because my sister is the same way. It’s not fun to be mad so much of the time. No wonder we all have high blood pressure!! I got diagnosed with high blood pressure in my early 20’s, have been on meds for it since then. I am on 4 BP meds now and it still gets high. I really am getting to the point in life where if I don’t try to reign in my temper, I am going to end up with a heart attack or stroke and I don’t want to end up like my dad, he laid in a vegetative state after having a stroke during carotid artery surgery when he was 57…..he died one year later at my age of 58. I am living on borrowed time as it is…..I really must work on this. It’s really hard. It’s my natural tendency to blow up many times a day…..I am trying to learn how to turn all that anger into something less dangerous….. I am mad at the pain every day so that doesn’t help things. xoxo

  3. tlohuis says:

    I have 2 therapists because I’m more than one can handle. They both are stressing this let it go business. I must keep working on this crap. It seems to work for you. Love u more and I promise I will try to breathe, I don’t really know how to relax so well, yet. That is another thing I am working on. I’m 49, so I’ve got a few more years, huh? I will attempt some breathing exercises and maybe even a little meditation, not sure I can get my BP down enough to do either one, but I will try. If that S.O.B. doesn’t show up tomorrow, you give me his phone number and I will take care of his ass once and for all, got it? I got your back, girl! 🙂

  4. tlohuis says:

    Ok. You know I have a long list of chronic illnesses and chronic pain. We aren’t going to go over the list again, at this time. But I do have ADHD the impulsive type to go along with a whole load of other things. My therapist tells me to stop, think, don’t do it Tammy. At my age, I have to be told this shit because I do shit like shoot the neighbor that I call fat bastard, for a reason, with a bb gun. Well, I didn’t shoot him, I shot his house once, then my son and his friend took the gun away because I wasn’t aiming at the target I was supposed to be shooting. I am good. I then conned them into giving me the gun back and promised I would only shoot the target. Liar, Liar pants on fire. Boom, boom, those bb’s were bouncing right off fat bastards house. Did it twice and I haven’t seen that bb gun since.

  5. tlohuis says:

    I forgot to tell you how very mature I am for my age, sorry about that.

    • teeks55 says:

      Now that’s the last thing I need is a gun in my hand. LOL You better be careful, you wild thang!!! Put the gun down and slowly back away!!!! EEEEK! HUGS xoxo

      • tlohuis says:

        it’s just a bb gun, but I don’t like fat bastard, so I shot up his house a few times. Don’t worry, I’m going to therapy tomorrow. Yes, I’m a wild thang, alright. My son put it up and I’ve never seen it since. He won’t let me near it. Thank God, fat bastard didn’t call the cops on me. We had quite the go round for several years about dogs, he did it to everyone in the neighborhood that had dogs. Don’t think I put up with his sorry ass, his wife croaked and he finally started leaving me alone. She must have been the one ordering him around, telling him what to do, or he just decided to become nice, hell I don’t know. He doesn’t scare me.

      • teeks55 says:

        I have a neighbor I’m not real fond of either, he’s so nosy. He has to find out all your business and then tell all the rest of the neighborhood. He’s in his 70’s now, he lived there with his mother until she died years ago, now he lives there with his partner. He is nice enough I guess but I just feel like he’s always watching everything we do over here, which isn’t much but still….it drives me crazy. I guess it could be worse. We live in a really bad neighborhood so at least it’s not a crack house next door or something!! LOL His mom was the same way, real nosy and walked right into the house the day we moved in, just like she owned the joint. She started asking me all these personal questions and I just was so shocked at her boldness….she was really something. I remember one time I got up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water and when I looked out the kitchen window, there she was, cleaning out her window sills at 3am!!! I about screamed. She was staring right at me!!! LOL Of course that was a long time ago, and now I am in menopause and have insomnia and I do laundry in the middle of the night sometimes so now I get it but man that freaked me out!!! LOL Neighbors are a trip.

      • tlohuis says:

        Just get ya a nice bb gun. They make them to look like real guns these days. Probably a good way to get myself killed. Shoot that bastards house a few times, there just bb’s, it won’t hurt anything. You’ll feel real swell after doing it. I’m a real good influence aren’t I? You keep listening to me and I’ll be coming to visit you in jail. LOL
        You’ll have to let me know how it goes when that jackass shows up tomorrow, if he does. Good luck with that and don’t let the bastard rip you off. I would love to tell you all about fat bastard, but it’s such a long story. It would probably take me a few days just to type it all up. Just trust me when I call him fat bastard, cause that’s exactly what he is and now that his wife is gone, he never comes outside any more. Freakin’ coward. Probably because he see’s me sitting out in my backyard and I’m not shy. I’ll tell him exactly what I think about him. One time he called the police on us about our dogs and that back fired on him because after I spoke to the police and told them what he was doing to me, they sent 2 police cars over to his house. It was pretty funny.

  6. Trisha says:

    This post made me feel so bad for you, Julie, but these comments are cracking me up! This guy had better show up tomorrow or he’s going to have a posse of angry women after him.

  7. teeks55 says:

    Keep an eye out on my blog, I will let you know……lol

  8. tlohuis says:

    Like I said, I got your back, girl. If I have to I’ll just take a little road trip and come up there, down there, over there, wherever you are and take care of business. I can pick Trisha up on the way. We’ll take care of his sorry ass for doing what he did to you today. I gotta get back on practicing that let it go exercise, that is so much easier said than done, believe me, I have a real problem with it. I must say you did a good job with that today, even though you shouldn’t have. Just sayin……………We already discussed all that and I finally got my BP down so I don’t want to get all in an uproar, again. We’ll just wait till tomorrow and see what happens.

    • teeks55 says:

      I will let you know if you need to book a flight!! I’ll get his home address. Bring your bb gun!! LOL I told my hubby and he couldn’t believe I didn’t let him have it. He was impressed with my self control. LOL (very unusual, I told ya!) But I did tell hubby, that sucker better get here and get here on time!! 🙂

  9. joynpain2 says:

    Is this the Tammy you were going to send to look at my page? I’ve been waiting and no Tammy except this hot headed sweetheart who I had already made fast friends with.

    • teeks55 says:

      Hi…no, this is not the Tammy I was telling you about. I know she has been suffering with a very bad kidney infection for a few months and maybe hasn’t been able to reach out. I will mention you to her again…..I know she would love to get to know you and read your blog. She is a wonderful person and I would love to get you guys introduced. Thanks for reminding me, I will message her right away and send her your blog page URL. Take care and hope your pain is under control. xoxo 🙂

  10. dawnhosking says:

    I can empathise with that and really feel for you. Hope it all goes well when he is next supposed to come – good luck ((hugs))

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